Well you have to hand it to McDonald’s. There is no false advertising here. Take a job working for Ronald and Co. and someday you will be lucky enough to afford your own bicycle. Woo-Hoo!!!! In case you can’t read the blurred words toward the bottom (I took this photo with my cell-phone) it says, “I’m taking my career as far as I can”. Although it’s easy to bash McDonald’s for — well — being McDonald’s — I think the real problem lies in in the fact that the economy and the job market are so dismal, for so many, that working the line at a burger joint is appealing. How many kids are in high school thinking — someday I hope to be making eight dollars an hour handing sacks of heart disease out a little window. Hopefully not too many. Unfortunately this is the fate of more and more people as jobs are sent overseas and inner-city public schools get worse. Anyway, I guess I should climb down from my soap box and get my fat ass down to Micky D’s and help some poor slob put a ten-speed on layaway.

I am one angry angry person. I was recently cited for driving while intoxicated. I was arrested, jailed, and tried. I stated my case, cried the Judge a river, and threw myself at the mercy of the court. What did I get for this effort? A $1500 fine and a one year suspension of my license. Why am I bitter? I was flipping through the channels and happened upon Court TV. Some bald headed Judge who had seen the Vagina Monologues one too many times was weeping over the swiftly decaying corpse of a woman whose five month old daughter is being claimed by a half dozen men, including the Pope and Bill Clinton. Why the hell is this hussy being given such tender consideration? I, The Angry Romanian, have never harmed a single human being in my life.(assuming gypsies are not human beings) Anyway, I feel the American justice system has done me wrong because I don’t have a DD chest or an overwhelming desire to provide oral sex for the 80 and older crowd. I will be filing my appeal. I hope I have your support.

Signed,
angry romanian

The U.S Mint has recently announced that it will be releasing a series of one dollar coins representing the likeness of Presidents Washington through Ford. These coins are designed to be used for small purchases and in vending machine transactions. This short sighted decision appalls me. How does the U.S. Treasury Department expect the American pole dancer to deal with this new form of currency? How can working girls, dancing at establishments like The Barrel of Dolls, The Klassy Kat or even Louie’s Cordial Lounge expect to feed their families and/or drug habits on coin alone? How can the average Godsmack T-shirt wearing, 5′6″, Best Buy working, putz expect to flatter a girl when tipping her with a single measly coin instead of the traditional George Washington dollar bill. Let’s be serious here folks, it’s obvious that these Presidential dollar coins are nothing but a stepping stone in the process of replacing the dollar bill. But to get to the point, any fine gentleman that has been in an establishment where the ladies work hard to earn their dollars understands that a dollar coin is not easily placed in one’s G-String. So, if not in the G-String where is it to be placed? The imagination does not have to wander far to answer this question. What about the guy who wants to up the ante to two or three dollars to get a girls attention? Is he to unceremniously toss the coins on the stage? Where is the romance in that? So I beg of you, decision maker of monetary policy, please reconsider and allow the George Washington dollar bill to remain the sole way to support the G-Strings of all those little(and some not so little) ladies working their way through college, or rehab. Thank you, and God Bless America.

We, the esteemed editorial staff at angryromanian.com, would like to apologize for our lack of content as of late. However, due in no small part to global warming and El Nino, we have been doing the following: shoveling, snow blowing(in no way a sexual act), risking our lives (driving) and basically cowering inside cursing Mother Nature. Any of our good friends from Ohio to Maine will understand what we are talking about. You know, snow measured in feet not inches and temperatures dipping below President Bush’s approval rating. And speaking of “W” and global warming; I’m surprised he hasn’t come up to scenic Oswego New York, with it’s 12-foot snowfall, to hold a press conference poking fun at Al Gore and his ludicrous assertions on climate change. But anyway, it’s too bad that poor Anna Nicole couldn’t have over dosed here in the Northeast, making the debate over her swiftly decomposing body moot. Sorry to make such a mean spirited point but you would be grumpy too if your Eastern Block best friend insisted on dragging you outdoors in a wind chill of -42 degrees to build a God damned igloo. I just don’t understand this fascination with igloos. Hadn’t he seen plenty of miserable little shacks with no electricity or running water in the filthy gypsy slums of Romania? So again, we sincerely apologize for our lack of posts but none of this is going to matter because inside sources have told us that World War III will be starting with Iran soon and we will be transitioning from shoveling snow to shoveling nuclear ash. Have a pleasant weekend.

Yesterday, Anna Nicole Smith aka Vickie Lynn Marshall(Hogan) died. It is interesting to me that people are actually shocked about her early death. Why? She went from working at Wal-Mart to Red Lobster to being a stripper. Until she became famous in a 1992 issue of Playboy Magazine. The rest is history, she married a really old billionaire, got fat, lost weight and went nuts. She appeared in a few movies (including Naked Gun) and TV shows. She was a PETA and TrimSpa advocate. Her son died on her bedside from a lethal dose of Zoloft, Lexpro and methadone. Her daughter survives her but her father is unknown, so far there are three people that could be the father, there may be more. She drew the attention of millions for the stupid shit she’s done in public and for the fact that many people that come from those very humble/white trash beginnings never ever amount to anything. When I started this post I had the intention of ripping her apart but most mediocre people should be so lucky to become famous, plow through life and check out early.

Do you feel guilty when you see Michael J. Fox twitching on your television? Do you shed a tear when you have to remind your grandmother with Alzheimer’s who she is? Does it piss you off that blowhole Republicans, in their desperation for votes, pretend to be advocates for all forms of life — including stem cells. Lets remember that this is the same group of assholes that brought us the legalization of assault rifles, and manditory minimum drug sentencing. So, if the right is so concerned about the sanctity of 16-cell life, while the rest of us give a shit about actual people stricken with curable diseases - - I think it is obvious we need to come up with a compromise. How about if we were to create a program categorizing stem cells along racial lines. If we were to racially mirror the stem cell population to that of the United States, all would be solved. For instance, if we designate 15% of them as African American, 20% as Hispanic American, and even designate a portion of the little guys as illegal aliens, there would be plenty of stem cells to quench even the most aggressive researchers wet dream. Why is this you ask? Since when has the right ever given a flying fuck if minorities live or die in this country? George W’s favorite pastime as Governor of Texas was to execute people of color. So, if we can convince “W” and his hit men that a sizable chunk of the stem cell population are nothing but a drain on society — I’m sure they would be glad to turn the devious little “darky” blastocytes over to the Nazi doctors of the left.

Does the title of this post refer to drug dealers, Nazis, pedophiles, oil executives, Romanians, or even the elderly? Not even close! What do all these groups have in common? They will all be joining Mother Theresa, Gandhi and other assorted kiss-asses in heaven way before anyone associated with the cell-phone industry. Talk about a group of evil assholes that know they have you by the balls. How many people do you know that don’t have a cell phone? Exactly!!!! So why bother providing clear bills, good customer service, or reliable products? It’s a trick question–because they don’t. Not to cingule out any particular company, whose logo is a glowing orange x, but I’m at the point where I want to find a Zach Morris style phone(see above picture), go to my nearest cell-phone store and shove it up the managers ass — sideways!!!! Or even better - blow up his fucking car remotely with a cell-phone. In your face Alanis Morissette — because that would actually be ironic — Don’t ya think!! I could go on but the guns need oiling,the ammunition needs counting, and I have a dump truck full of fertilizer arriving any minute.