It’s not often that Corporate America pulls the wool over our eyes.

Actually, I don’t know what the fuck I am talking about, because that is obviously the most asinine thing I have ever written. Let me start again fresh.

Corporate America thrives on the fact that we are morons, willing to buy into whatever bullshit they throw in front of us. Black Friday is the perfect example of this, drawing millions of lower and middle class people to the stores at the ass crack-o-dawn. They then line up in hopes of buying a seemingly expensive product for a seemingly lower than normal price. The deals appear so good that these people will stand in line for two, three, four, five, six hours in a full spectrum of weather conditions in hopes of getting a target item. When the doors open, these people sprint into the stores as though it were el encierro.

With thousands of people packed shoulder to shoulder, the lines inside stretch as long as the lines outside. If you have ever seen this, you will quickly recognize that not a single person is smiling. If you were born of a higher class, have a college education, or have an IQ above 100, you realize that getting up at 12:14 AM to go and wait outside of a store until 5 AM is absolutely fucking retarded. I would rather fluff for the World’s Biggest Gangbang.

So, back to the part where you are a stupid shitbag for going out shopping on Black Friday; all the stuff that you bought? Yeah, you just been had. You honestly think that a store can hand out cameras at the door, sell laptop computers for $200, and/or *Insert item you bought here* ___________ and not make money while doing it? It’s called “Black Friday” because it puts a store way into the black in the store’s ledger (meaning they make a lot of money for you financially inept readers out there). They make money even if they make you think they are losing it.

This is possible because it all gets shipped over from China, and it hardly cost the stores anything. So, while you payed $400 for that LCD television, realize that six 12 year old Chinese children got paid $.43 to assemble it. And it will break (nearly 32% of all products purchased on Black Friday are exchanged within a month of purchase), because their level of QC isn’t all that great. I mean, aside from Date-Rape Drug containing Aqua Dots, botoxin laced Cat and Dog food, and fun with Lead laden Curious George, China doesn’t really know what QC is.

So, here’s a breakdown. You altered family time on a holiday to go and get ready to stand in a line for hours, run into a store, spend a few more hours waiting in line, and then purchase sub-par shit that might hopefully poison or otherwise harm you and your family.

Me and the rest of the editors slept in.