Every once in a great while, the slaves of the retail world will come across something completely awesome. It doesn’t make our pathetic lives seem at all worthwhile, but it does help take the edge off. Usually taking the edge off involves the intake of a whole bunch of Quaaludes or cleaning the toilet with a roommate’s toothbrush…but not today. Today I am bragging about really inexpensive electronic toys, and the toys I speak of induce pleasure without vibration.

Due to my ties with certain work related marketing and management companies and the local underground mob, I was able to purchase a Q6700 Core 2 Quad SLACQ processor and a Buffalo Firestix PC26400U-555 2Gb DDR2 Kit (you know…the ones with the D9 chips that overclock to levels so high that God gets pissed and sends some angel down to not-so politely ask you to clock the fucker back down) for the super low price of $118 shipped. That’s right all you bastards with good jobs and such, I just showed you what a life of misery can get you! Take that!

Before you shitheads send me emails asking where you can get one, the answer is you can’t. You are not nearly as awesome as I am. As it would turn out, 9 out of 10 awesomeologist agree that Ruko is awesome. And fuck that last guy.

Oddly enough, this is the same processor found in the Intel Employee Purchase Bundle recently offered to workers of select retail chains. The bundle included a Q6700 processor, Intel DG33TL mobo, and a OEM version of Vista Home premium. The Price? $249. If that price doesn’t make you want to sell your sister to the circus, then you obviously don’t know what the combined price of this package is.

eBay is now flooded with these packages, as well as the lesser package (same bundle, but with a Q6600 chip for $229) because many of the people bought them with intentions to turn a profit. My package isn’t going on eBay, however. I already have plans to use these parts to build the fastest system ever. Then, I am going to calculate future stock prices for Apple and figure out when I am going to get laid again. With all of the profits from my Apple stocks, I will be able to buy a small island somewhere near Fiji, and spend the rest of my days being served rum in a coconut by some indigenous half naked island girl.

Thats my story, and I am sticking to it.