I am not a master of the English language. Not by a long shot. I can speak eloquently when needed, my vocabulary exceeds that of the average college graduate, and I can usually convey my point on paper. I know that in itself isn’t impressive; it does separate me from many of you. Your comments and hate mail are often so unintelligible that I consult my 2 year old nephew to help make sense of them. I am not speaking of just deplorable grammar either…the butchering of the English language includes poor syntax and inexcusable spelling mistakes. Have you ever heard of spell check? Thesaurus? A dictionary? Fuck, I don’t care, next time your mother is wiping your ass, ask her to proofread the comment you are about to post. I don’t understand how many of you function in society. Hurray for the US education system.

While learning ASL I discovered that my trouble fingerspelling and/or verbally spelling words was most likely a result of some learning disability. Testing showed that I “probably” suffer from dyslexia in some form (doctors love the word “probably”…it helps prevent litigation). No wonder Cyrillic really screws with me. As a result, some words are exceptionally difficult for me to spell. I spell about as well as the French military strikes fear into the other countries of the world. Oui Oui.

The words listed below on the left look correct to me but in reality are all kinds of fucked up. The correct spellings are on the right, caught and corrected by spell check.

becuase - (because)
strait - I use this in place of “straight” all the time.
Egnland - (England)
maintainence - (maintenance)
Buhdda - (Buddha)
tounge - (tongue)
gaurantee - (guarantee)
recieve - (receive)
tiolet - (toilet)
recipeint - (recipient)
lotoin - (lotion)
scheduel - (schedule)

You get the gist. I swap letters like semen at a snowball party. Vowels are the most difficult…especially that fucking “U” letter. Do we even really need it? I mean, if we had a nice 25 letters instead of 26, would it really matter? We already have W, which is really just two “U”s glued together. True story.

I recently played (and lost) a game of Letterpillar with my young nephew. Please click here to see a picture of the cover of the game. Scary eh? I think they should rename this game “bad acid trip with letters everywhere”. Christ, it’s downright disturbing. Either way, I could not effectively play this game even if I really had to.

So what is my point? The point is, when the guy with dyslexia writes better than the majority of you turds without dyslexia, then we have a serious fucking problem. If you take a minute to add a comment, take an additional second to re-read it for simple mistakes.

kthx. glad we had this talk.