welcome to another edition of Assignment Boris, a weekly look at the top five assholes in the news who deserve to be punched in the face by Boris. In case you don’t know who Boris is click here. If you run across a news story you think warrants Boris’ attention please submit the link through our contact link. Have a good week and don’t do anything that might get Boris on your ass.

5. Al Zimmerman -

(From Fox News) TAMPA, Fla. - A Department of Children & Families press secretary who was arrested on suspicion of enlisting children to make pornography could face more charges, police said Saturday…

Maybe Al figured working for an agency that protects children is similar to working for a restaurant. If you work for Applebee’s, for instance, it is prudent to take advantage of your discount by eating there often. Apparently Mr. Zimmerman decided that working at the Department of Children & Families entitled him to have dinner at Applebee’s and enjoy some of his clients for desert. Don’t get too carried away Boris, leave some for the boys at the state pen.

4 and 3. Two stupid cops -

(From Fox News) BUFORD, Ga. - Two off-duty officers from different police departments wounded each other in a gun fight in the middle of a road in an Atlanta suburb, authorities said…

Glad you boys are playing cowboys and Indians while some scumbag is breaking into my car or home. Boris is on his way to pistol whip you retards into next week and then hopefully the judge sentences them to be lynched - I’m pretty sure that sort of thing is still legal in Georgia.

2. Sister Norma Giannini -

(From wisn.com) MILWAUKEE — A Roman Catholic nun who pleaded no contest to sexually abusing two Milwaukee boys years ago will spend a year in jail. A judge sentenced Sister Norma Giannini, 79, to one year in jail and nine more years on probation She has 60 days to report to the House of Correction in Milwaukee County.

I bet if I abused two boys I would get a bit more time than a year in the joint. I don’t care how old she is or what she does for a living. Let her rot and die in jail. Her faith allows her to confess her sin and repeat a prayer a few times for salvation, but that won’t save her from Boris’s Holy fists of rage.

1. Martin Lewis -

(From CNN.com) WASHINGTON (AP) — The Beatles are about to become radio stars in a whole new way. NASA on Monday will broadcast the Beatles’ song “Across the Universe” across the galaxy to Polaris, the North Star. The idea came from Martin Lewis, a Los Angeles-based Beatles historian…

I think I prefer the idea of nuns touching little boys, or cops shooting at each other in the streets, or even government officials using their authority to take advantage of small children, than fucking NASA spending tax dollars to beam fucking Beatles songs to the fucking north fucking star. And the President is worried about earmarks!! Boris, how about you sharpen an old Beatles LP to a razor’s edge and slice and dice some common sense into Mr. Lewis.