There are a lot of nasty things that you will find in a person’s bathroom. I don’t need to go into detail here…you probably all have at least one thing in your bathroom that would make your mothers upset. My apartment bathroom is no exception. It’s not everyday though that I find something that grosses me right the fuck out. In college I lived on an all male dorm; the things I have seen in a group bathroom would make Mother Teresa nauseous. That being said, I yesterday found a toothbrush lying right next to my Irish Spring bar soap in the shower. I use my soap to wash all the parts of my body. If one of my roommates wanted my balls in their mouth, I could have teabaged their ass and skipped the middle man completely. On the flip side, I don’t want somebody else’s saliva to be transferred to other parts of my body. It is goddamn nasty.

If that wasn’t disgusting enough, I today found a dildo in my shower. It was nestled all inconspicuous like right next to the shampoo and body wash almost like it belonged there. I didn’t even notice it was there until I was nearly done showering. So I know you are thinking “so what. It is a dildo.” right? Well, a disturbing fact is that there are four people living in this house, and not a single one of them is female.

CLICK HERE FOR DILDO

That picture is not setup in anyway, but sits exactly as I discovered it. The burning question in my mind is, who’s ass has it been in? It isn’t the first time that this kind of thing has happened; one roommate thought it would be funny to sculpt my soap into the shape of a penis. Why? Well, he is obviously a flaming homo in denial. What he doesn’t know is what I did to his body wash.

CLICK HERE FOR PENIS SOAP

A reoccurring theme? Most definitely. I guess the old saying is true: All the soap in the world won’t wash the gay away.

I am not a master of the English language. Not by a long shot. I can speak eloquently when needed, my vocabulary exceeds that of the average college graduate, and I can usually convey my point on paper. I know that in itself isn’t impressive; it does separate me from many of you. Your comments and hate mail are often so unintelligible that I consult my 2 year old nephew to help make sense of them. I am not speaking of just deplorable grammar either…the butchering of the English language includes poor syntax and inexcusable spelling mistakes. Have you ever heard of spell check? Thesaurus? A dictionary? Fuck, I don’t care, next time your mother is wiping your ass, ask her to proofread the comment you are about to post. I don’t understand how many of you function in society. Hurray for the US education system.

While learning ASL I discovered that my trouble fingerspelling and/or verbally spelling words was most likely a result of some learning disability. Testing showed that I “probably” suffer from dyslexia in some form (doctors love the word “probably”…it helps prevent litigation). No wonder Cyrillic really screws with me. As a result, some words are exceptionally difficult for me to spell. I spell about as well as the French military strikes fear into the other countries of the world. Oui Oui.

The words listed below on the left look correct to me but in reality are all kinds of fucked up. The correct spellings are on the right, caught and corrected by spell check.

becuase - (because)
strait - I use this in place of “straight” all the time.
Egnland - (England)
maintainence - (maintenance)
Buhdda - (Buddha)
tounge - (tongue)
gaurantee - (guarantee)
recieve - (receive)
tiolet - (toilet)
recipeint - (recipient)
lotoin - (lotion)
scheduel - (schedule)

You get the gist. I swap letters like semen at a snowball party. Vowels are the most difficult…especially that fucking “U” letter. Do we even really need it? I mean, if we had a nice 25 letters instead of 26, would it really matter? We already have W, which is really just two “U”s glued together. True story.

I recently played (and lost) a game of Letterpillar with my young nephew. Please click here to see a picture of the cover of the game. Scary eh? I think they should rename this game “bad acid trip with letters everywhere”. Christ, it’s downright disturbing. Either way, I could not effectively play this game even if I really had to.

So what is my point? The point is, when the guy with dyslexia writes better than the majority of you turds without dyslexia, then we have a serious fucking problem. If you take a minute to add a comment, take an additional second to re-read it for simple mistakes.

kthx. glad we had this talk.

The CDC announced today that STDs among Americans are increasing at alarming rates, led by chlamydia. Nearly 1,031,000 cases of the clap were reported last year, up from 976,000 the year before. This number eclipsed the 1,013,436 cases reported in 1978. 19 - fucking - 78. The late 70’s were a church ladies nightmare!!! HIV hadn’t reared it’s ugly head yet and fashion was so god-awful repulsive that people couldn’t wait to get out of their hip-huggers and liesure suits to fuck.

Gonorrhea and syphilis rates have also risen significantly. Health officials are baffled by the sudden rise and offer no concrete solution to combat this precarious rise in STDs. But we here at Angryromanian World Headquarters have a sure “shot” solution. Lets start an ad campaign promoting porn style sexual encounters. We’ll call the campaign “Give her the money shot tonight, and avoid the penicillin shot tomorrow” or, “One in the eye means she’s safe for the next guy!”. If you have any other slogan suggestions please pass them along.

Peace(sucks)

D.N.

This could have been a story about that special loved one, family member, or teammate that just makes life worth living; it’s not. This is about that person that exists in everyones life, a parasitic leech attached to someone you care about or a person that is malicious towards you for no reason. You may or may not know this person but they are talking shit about you right now. This virus manifests themselves differently for each person so we will spare details and cut directly to the solution.

My proposal is simple: extend a woman’s right to choose. Extend that right to society as a whole, and to a term of at least however many years and however many months old that cunt may be right now. This is necessary because those conniving individuals have somehow missed their appointment with fate, as a puddle of flesh and blood, on the floor of Examining Room #7 of Planned Parenthood.

Unfortunately, at this late date this “procedure” can no longer be performed by a pill, fancy surgical vacuum cleaner, or the preferred method in the early days of our Republic, the rusty coat hanger. So instead, every municipality should to have a dedicated pack of vicious, starved, inbred, ritualistically tortured Doberman pincers. Upon a proper filing of grievance with the local authorities, this pack of rabies infected mutts will be unleashed upon their target, freeing you and your loved one from unnecessary drama and misery.

Perhaps this may seem too drastic or crude. Then instead next time you see a pregnant bitch, who looks like they are going to give birth to a fucking useless excuse for a human being. Kick them in the stomach.

President Yahya Jammeh, of the postage stamp sized West African nation of Gambia, claims to have learned the cure for AIDS through a series of dreams. The “cure” consists of a mix of seven herbs and spices to be taken daily, one spoonful for children, two for adults. Jammeh has no medical training but claims his family has a history of healing through traditional practices. All this is great but I have dreams too; however this doesn’t mean Christina Ricci is ever going to show up to my house in edible underwear with a bull whip and a gallon of fudge ripple ice cream. But enough about me — Can you possibly stoop lower than to extend false hope to those in the grips of a fatal disease? Not only is hope falsely given but those taking life extending medications are switching to the president’s witch’s brew. Maybe someone in Gambia will act out a dream of shooting up the presidential motorcade and solve this silliness once and for all.

Do you feel guilty when you see Michael J. Fox twitching on your television? Do you shed a tear when you have to remind your grandmother with Alzheimer’s who she is? Does it piss you off that blowhole Republicans, in their desperation for votes, pretend to be advocates for all forms of life — including stem cells. Lets remember that this is the same group of assholes that brought us the legalization of assault rifles, and manditory minimum drug sentencing. So, if the right is so concerned about the sanctity of 16-cell life, while the rest of us give a shit about actual people stricken with curable diseases - - I think it is obvious we need to come up with a compromise. How about if we were to create a program categorizing stem cells along racial lines. If we were to racially mirror the stem cell population to that of the United States, all would be solved. For instance, if we designate 15% of them as African American, 20% as Hispanic American, and even designate a portion of the little guys as illegal aliens, there would be plenty of stem cells to quench even the most aggressive researchers wet dream. Why is this you ask? Since when has the right ever given a flying fuck if minorities live or die in this country? George W’s favorite pastime as Governor of Texas was to execute people of color. So, if we can convince “W” and his hit men that a sizable chunk of the stem cell population are nothing but a drain on society — I’m sure they would be glad to turn the devious little “darky” blastocytes over to the Nazi doctors of the left.