Greetings all, I hope you are having a better Saturday than I am. I woke up this morning free and clear of any responsibilities. No work, no pressing errands, and no Angry Romanian related deadlines or duties. Not a worry in the world. Until, that is, Time Warner ruined my day.

You see, Ruko was scheduled to post a Pulitzer Prize worthy article today on the quality of discourse in today’s global village as it relates to the social phenomenon called the internet. Unfortunately that discourse was silenced by Time Warner’s inability to reliably provide internet connectivity to the entire eastern half of a metropolitan area of one million (say this with pinkie to corner of mouth) people. ETA for recovery of service - unknown. Ability to speak to a real human being at Time Warner - fat fucking chance. Desire to send army of sharks with frickin’ laser beams to destroy Time Warner headquarters - overwhelming.

Ruko couldn’t post his article this morning and is now stuck at work. So here I am, lurking around my place of work, the only place I know that uses the crappy DSL service offered by the crappy local phone company, posting this message. So enjoy these two videos featuring a few of the best unscripted/embarrassing moments in the history of college football commentary, and look for Ruko’s post whenever Time Warner pulls that fucking road runner out of it’s ass and my router starts blinking green again in that oh so reassuring way.

Credit to Ruko for providing the videos

Thats a little gay

Britney Spears

Every once in a great while, the slaves of the retail world will come across something completely awesome. It doesn’t make our pathetic lives seem at all worthwhile, but it does help take the edge off. Usually taking the edge off involves the intake of a whole bunch of Quaaludes or cleaning the toilet with a roommate’s toothbrush…but not today. Today I am bragging about really inexpensive electronic toys, and the toys I speak of induce pleasure without vibration.

Due to my ties with certain work related marketing and management companies and the local underground mob, I was able to purchase a Q6700 Core 2 Quad SLACQ processor and a Buffalo Firestix PC26400U-555 2Gb DDR2 Kit (you know…the ones with the D9 chips that overclock to levels so high that God gets pissed and sends some angel down to not-so politely ask you to clock the fucker back down) for the super low price of $118 shipped. That’s right all you bastards with good jobs and such, I just showed you what a life of misery can get you! Take that!

Before you shitheads send me emails asking where you can get one, the answer is you can’t. You are not nearly as awesome as I am. As it would turn out, 9 out of 10 awesomeologist agree that Ruko is awesome. And fuck that last guy.

Oddly enough, this is the same processor found in the Intel Employee Purchase Bundle recently offered to workers of select retail chains. The bundle included a Q6700 processor, Intel DG33TL mobo, and a OEM version of Vista Home premium. The Price? $249. If that price doesn’t make you want to sell your sister to the circus, then you obviously don’t know what the combined price of this package is.

eBay is now flooded with these packages, as well as the lesser package (same bundle, but with a Q6600 chip for $229) because many of the people bought them with intentions to turn a profit. My package isn’t going on eBay, however. I already have plans to use these parts to build the fastest system ever. Then, I am going to calculate future stock prices for Apple and figure out when I am going to get laid again. With all of the profits from my Apple stocks, I will be able to buy a small island somewhere near Fiji, and spend the rest of my days being served rum in a coconut by some indigenous half naked island girl.

Thats my story, and I am sticking to it.

Analytics is the best, or so I thought. What better web tracking tool is out there? With only a few clicks I can survey key stats like visitors, pageviews, bounce rate, and geographical location of visitors. Also available is useless minutia like visitor connection speed, screen resolution and browser used. (It’s hard to believe 42.18% of you weenies still use Internet Explorer)
Frankly, I’ve become somewhat addicted to Analytics, staring like a zombie at my screen, hoping the wealth of data at my disposal will somehow unlock the secrets of how to lure millions of readers to our Angry Romanian world.
Surely, I reasoned, there is a large demographic out there looking for our brand of witty humor with a sophomoric twist. Already we have grown from a site that no one outside of our little clique read to an entity that attracts hundreds of readers a day from around the world. I assumed that our ever increasing popularity derived from the quality of our content and from word-of-mouth.
Unfortunately, Analytics has ruined all of this, thanks to a handy report called keywords. The keyword report lets you know what your readers typed into their browser to reach your site. Sounds pretty innocuous, right? Wrong! I’ve now come to realize that the web is nothing but a enabler for greasy handed googlers to get their groove on. Sorry about the alliteration, but it’s true. Here is but a sampling of the keywords used to reach our site:
romanian whore
butt sex
romanian pornstars
romanian porn
nasty girl sex
hand fucking (hand release - I like!!)
pork sex (no Jews allowed)
“girl on girl”
“hot lesbian porn”
“my first time” “going to fit” “he was” (This is apparently porn for Yoda)
‘anal seepage’ (Yummy)
are romanian men nice (no!!!)
child horny rape
chuck norris phedophile (duh!)
dog licking peanut butter off penis (no comment)
fuck 12 yrs old child xxx (I bet this guy is a hit at kids birthday parties)

The list goes on and on, but I’m sure you get the point by now. And although these kind of keywords only represent a small fraction of our traffic, it proves, nonetheless, that the world is a scary place. At least for 12 year old Romanian, girl on girl, hand fucking, anal seepage, butt sex, whores!!!

The following is a tutorial on the official Circuit City procedure for removing stuck Blu-ray disks from a PS3. Pay attention. You will be tested on this later.

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Tools you’ll need:

(1) Over sized flat head screw driver

(1) Phillips head screw driver (for those pesky small screws)

(1) Hammer

(1) Large pair of pliers

First step: Removing the Cover

Remove any pads covering screws and torque screws. Now remove all screws. You have to get all those little sucker out, so press hard. This will almost undoubtedly strip the torque screws, but don’t give up, you’ll get them eventually. If all else fails, break the plastic. Once you remove the cover it should look like this:

Step 2: Removing Blu-Ray Drive from PS3

Anything that is bolted/screwed/latched requires the combination of the flat head screwdriver and hammer. Chisel away until these mild annoyances are solved. Feel free to strike the screwdriver as hard as is needed to break off those stubborn little clips and screws. Once you have successfully removed the Blu-ray drive, rejoice, you are only moments away from achieving your goal.

3: Removing Blu-Ray disc

By now your Blu-Ray drive is in your hand. Feel the power of having a $1000 unit at your mercy. Bask in your superior technical prowess for a moment….

(you should be basking)

Now take pliers out and remove metal enclosure. Make sure you bend the metal back and forth to achieve maximum damage to the enclosure, this allows you to eventually remove the Blu-Ray disc later on. Take notice of the careful bending of the metal below:

Once the metal is neatly bent back, grab the flat head screw driver again and begin breaking more plastic. Don’t worry you can put it all back together afterwards.

Once you have broken enough plastic and electronic parts, the Blu-ray disk should reveal itself . Keep digging and breaking until you get can get a firm grasp of it. Once the disk is in your hand, hold it up high, You have now successfully rescued an overpriced disk from an overpriced console. Now for the final step, use the hammer and a bit of glue to put that pile of shit back together. Great Job!!

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We hope this tutorial has served as a successful tool in making an already damaged system “better”. So, follow each step carefully and your glorified neogeo will be right as rain.

Angry Romanian is not responsible for any damaged goods. This tutorial is a guide and to be used at your own dumbass risk.

From Larry David (Curb Your Enthusiasm) an entertaining take on how annoying Bluetooth headsets are: